Friday, January 19, 2007

My wife and I had a little blow out this morning. I hate fighting with my wife- it makes me shaky inside. The scribble for today is fantasy but our little battle as me not feeling very creative
(Update: Scribble is next post down)

I guess with any fight or disagreement the key is to see it from the other persons perspective- but we are both so busy trying to explain our own perspective that we can't be bothered, which of course leads to a louder and a more confrontational argument.

The argument was about this blog. I started writing this blog in October 2006. I just wanted to have a place that I would force myself to write 5 days a week. I wasn't going to worry about what I wrote, I just wanted to get in the habit of writing- I didn't even care if it was any good. (although after I got a few comments I started caring) I kept it completely anonymous including the location and names- this gave me, I felt, license to write about conversations I've had which I wouldn't normally discuss. The purpose for the complete anonymity was that I would,in theory, be able to write about anything without having to censor myself. I decided to not write about my wife in any concrete way because I thought it would be in violation of trust to do so, even though it is anonymous.

On to the fight. I mentioned to K that I was writing a blog but that I would prefer that she not read it. I didn't want to have to worry about what I wrote, but I also didn't want the fact that I was doing a blog to be a secret. I would, upon occasion, read a few things to her that I thought were funny but any of the heavy stuff, or things that might be embarrassing to people we both know, I kept quiet about. Last night I noticed that she read it, which began the argument.

Is it wrong to keep a blog quiet from your significant other? Is it unrealistic and unfair to ask them not to read it?

For her it came down to a matter of trust. Why couldn't I trust her with what I wrote- did I think she was going to blab to everyone about the heroin addict. To me it came down to a matter of trust as well, but more along the lines of 'I trust you not to read it'. I compared it to a private journal, and she made the point that its a published blog. I said that while it might be published it is anonymous and if she knows who I'm talking about (I use initials) then it is no longer anonymous. She made the point that we are married and shouldn't have secrets.

It begs the question: Do I have the right to publish specific conversations I have had, even though they are anonymous. I write them not to get them off my chest but because I think they're poignant and they have stuck with me. Is it a violation of trust that I've written about these things? Should I remove them from my blog? Should I have written about this argument?

I don't know- Something for me to ponder this weekend.


Anonymous said...

Put up an email address on this blog and I will answer.

Anonymous said...

When I started my blog at first no one I knew, kew about it so I wrote things about people trying not to be too specific. I never named names or anything. Then word got around about it and people started reading that I knew. I worried that someone would be upset. My boyfriend said don't change anything. If people recognize themselves in you writting then it's true and as long as your not being plain mean then your feelings are yours and if they don't like it then don't read it.

Keep blogging if it makes you feel good my rule of thumb is if I wouldn't say it to the person I wont say it in my blog. If I need to say thing to get them off my chest it would be completely private.

Anonymous said...

In my opinion you did the right thing by telling her you have a blog and you have a right to ask she not read it; but you also have a right to not tell her about it. She has a right to read it but it would be nice if she didn't. Putting my self in your shoes, I guess if I REALLY didn't want the other person to know about it I would not tell them. Yes it is public but it is still a private journal if your remaining anonymous.
IF you have a healthy trusting relationship/partner and you are using the blog not to escape (which it doesn't sound like you are) but to do just as you write, it is probably better people who know you DONT know about the blog.
I had a blog and actually got bogged down by just readers visiting all the time, they became 'known' in a way and then I started losing my ability to write whatever I wanted just by dint of knowing 'they' would read it and judge me.

artist said...

ps if you want more traffic/ideas about who is reading your blog etc. you could get a free sitemeter. google it next time your googling yourself. you should also get rid of 'edit me' and put a real link or two up even if its to a non blog. it takes links to get links. good luck hope you dont mind the suggestions.

m.m.crow said...

I've been keeping a blog under the same pretense... to keep myself writing as much as I can. I keep a pen name and have only given the adress to a very select few (and only after the first two months of feeling like I found my voice in this template).
My husband knows that I keep a blog but it's understood that I'm not ready for him to read any of it. I'm fortunate, on one hand, that he's not all that into words but I think it's acceptable for one to have that space. And I don't think it's a violation to write about conversations you've had. In order to keep things moving the writer needs to feel a sense of the candid. A writer pulls from the day to day.... that's where the good stuff comes from. So long as you use initials, a pen name, whatever... go for it.