Friday, January 19, 2007
My wife and I had a little blow out this morning. I hate fighting with my wife- it makes me shaky inside. The scribble for today is fantasy but our little battle as me not feeling very creative
(Update: Scribble is next post down)
I guess with any fight or disagreement the key is to see it from the other persons perspective- but we are both so busy trying to explain our own perspective that we can't be bothered, which of course leads to a louder and a more confrontational argument.
The argument was about this blog. I started writing this blog in October 2006. I just wanted to have a place that I would force myself to write 5 days a week. I wasn't going to worry about what I wrote, I just wanted to get in the habit of writing- I didn't even care if it was any good. (although after I got a few comments I started caring) I kept it completely anonymous including the location and names- this gave me, I felt, license to write about conversations I've had which I wouldn't normally discuss. The purpose for the complete anonymity was that I would,in theory, be able to write about anything without having to censor myself. I decided to not write about my wife in any concrete way because I thought it would be in violation of trust to do so, even though it is anonymous.
On to the fight. I mentioned to K that I was writing a blog but that I would prefer that she not read it. I didn't want to have to worry about what I wrote, but I also didn't want the fact that I was doing a blog to be a secret. I would, upon occasion, read a few things to her that I thought were funny but any of the heavy stuff, or things that might be embarrassing to people we both know, I kept quiet about. Last night I noticed that she read it, which began the argument.
Is it wrong to keep a blog quiet from your significant other? Is it unrealistic and unfair to ask them not to read it?
For her it came down to a matter of trust. Why couldn't I trust her with what I wrote- did I think she was going to blab to everyone about the heroin addict. To me it came down to a matter of trust as well, but more along the lines of 'I trust you not to read it'. I compared it to a private journal, and she made the point that its a published blog. I said that while it might be published it is anonymous and if she knows who I'm talking about (I use initials) then it is no longer anonymous. She made the point that we are married and shouldn't have secrets.
It begs the question: Do I have the right to publish specific conversations I have had, even though they are anonymous. I write them not to get them off my chest but because I think they're poignant and they have stuck with me. Is it a violation of trust that I've written about these things? Should I remove them from my blog? Should I have written about this argument?
I don't know- Something for me to ponder this weekend.