A few useless things I've learned

1.Woman who are 100% heterosexual will look at Angela Jolie and say, "I'd do her"

2.In the gym locker room: The fatter the ass the more likely that fat, bare ass will sit on the bench without a towel.

3. If you want your restaurant meal to arrive, light a cigarette, if you want your boss to walk into your cubical, download porn.

4. Don't admit that global warming seems like a nice idea. Just keep it to yourself, you'll be happier.

5. No self respecting Wiccan would have a "Witches Do It In Circles" bumper sticker on their car (or broom).