I was listening to an oldies station on the way home when I heard Escape (The Pina Colada Song) by Rupert Holmes. I've heard this song hundreds of times but I never listened to the words. The only lyrics I knew were "If you like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain la la la." That's it, so I'm listening to the song and I'm getting somewhat horrified by what I hear.

The basic idea of the song is this guy is bitching about his girlfriend or wife and he's reading the personal ads in bed (while she sleeps next to him mind you). He comes upon this personal ad asking if he likes pina colodas, getting caught in the rain, making love at midnight on the dunes of the cape. So he's thinking to himself, yea, I like those things and the "old lady's" kind of a drag. So he answers the personals saying yes to all of the above and that he indeed does want to escape. He answers the ad saying that he wants to 'escape' Which is a euphemism for cheating on his wife/girlfriend. He tells her to meet him at a skanky old bar named O'Malley's where they can discuss this 'escape' over beernuts and lukewarm Old Style (he claims to be into Champagne but I think we've established that he's a liar.

He's waiting for his 'escape' at that bar and probably wondering if he should have showered beforehand when he sees his new lady friend walk in.
And who do you suppose it is? It's his girlfriend/wife.
Why? Because she placed the ad looking for her own little 'escape'
And what do they do? They laugh.
Why? Because its so funny.
Why is it funny? I don't know but I suspect that they are laughing about the fact that it turned out they are both lieing cheats with some nasty ass diseases that can't wait to fuck around on the other one. It's funny because they deserve each other.

I can't claim to be much of a romantic but this is a crappy love song.


"If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
If you're not into yoga, if you have half-a-brain.
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.
You're the love that I've looked for, come with me, and escape."