It will be strange to leave my job.

I started working here June 1 1998- I was 6 months sober and felt like an exposed, raw nerve. Between the panic attacks, agoraphobia, and fear of people and situations I was a mess. As I’ve mentioned in this blog I’ve always fallen into good jobs with good companies. I was in advertising for years and then worked for a well-known fashion designer but after my little internal collapse my self-confidence as well as my general mental and physical were destroyed. I had hit that rock bottom place- although I now realize that rock bottom is death.

Nine years ago I received a call about some manual labor work- just scraping wallpaper and cleaning up some walls at a house. The only job I was able to handle at that time was for my brother who was paying me to mow the lawns of his rental properties. I’d push the lawn mower and think to myself- ‘this how I made spending money at 14 years old- look at me, 33 and doing the same thing. I hoped no one would see me. How’d I get from advertising and fashion to mowing lawns?’ I, of course knew the answer but that didn’t keep me from asking the question. Someone referred to it a lesson in humility but to me it was humiliating and nothing more.

After 2 weeks of scraping the walls of this house the owner of the house asked if I’d like to work part time in his office- filing papers etc. I accepted but was full of fear the night before my first day. A week later they had me as assistant project manger on renovating a school. 2 years later I was managing a 10 million dollar new school construction. 5 years after I was hired I was made Vice President. 9 years after I was hired I’m quitting to move to Paris. Weird, Huh.

I am a blessed individual- and while I have many character flaws lack of gratitude is not one of them.