Last year K- and I decided to get rid of Cable TV. Easy Right? No, not easy at all, but it had to be done. We had stopped reading, we had stopped talking. We would sit in front of the TV and eat dinner. It was too easy to come home and turn on the TV- it is too easy to turn off your brain.
When you first get cable you're excited and why not, the world is at your finger tips. After about two weeks you realize it isn't the world at your fingertips as much as several hundred channels of shit. You come to see it as a waste of money and time. "How many times can they play Karate Kid?" You ask yourself. The answer is "a lot".
The human mind is an incredibly adaptable thing, after about 3 weeks cable TV starts to get interesting and exciting again. You realize that you were wrong, cable isn't bad, cable good. Cable and all it has to offer is beautiful. E entertainment is just like People Magazine except someone is reading it to you and the pictures move!!!! "What in the Sam Hill is Lindsy Lohan doing?!" I cry at the top of my lungs. "Is she really an alcoholic, I can't think all that coke is good for her sobriety, maybe its different in California". I'm worried sick about the Olsen Twins, are they ok- they seem so sad and they still look like little Troll Dolls. I'd send Bob Sagget to offer TV parental guidance (which is the best kind) but I'm worried he might try whore them out for pot or a bit part in a commercial
The TV stayed on. I became fascinated with Paris Hilton. Back in B.C. (Before Cable) I never found her attractive but after two weeks of continuous coverage her beauty is revealed to me. Why, She looks plastic, just like my TV...and shiny, and very very interesting. She must be all of these things because I continue to watch. My life had no purpose in B.C.- there was nothing to aspire to. Now I realize I will be happy if I am ripped like Pitt and as wealthy as Trump. A marriage will always be filled with romance there will be no disagreements. Friends tell me that I need to get back to reality- but I am deep in reality, The Apprentice, The Nanny, Big Brother, Fear Factor. don't tell me about reality- you need to be black or white, good or evil or you will be voted off, fired or given a sound dressing down to. You can't be a mixture of both its too confusing for an hour long show.There is no room for gray in reality.
I had to admit there was a problem and that my life had become unmanageable. Today I'm cable free but I'll never be cured. I have a daily reprieve, if I don't watch today- just for today, I can live a pretty normal life. I still dream that there could be a laugh track whenever I say something clever and that my theme song would play every time I walked into a room but that's just my disease talking. I'll be ok- just let me just curl up in the fetal position for a little while...I'll be fine.