Tuesday, June 19, 2007

I was tagged by Aralena (highly recommended reading) to write about my favorite subject, which is, of course, me. The topic is 10 Things About Me. Since I just did one of those last May I thought I would steal her idea and use childhood memories. So the following is a list of ten things (in no particular order) involving candy, toys and muggings from my childhood in the Midwest.

1. SSP’s were racecars. I loved them. They had a plastic ripcord shaped like a T with ratchets in it. Slide the ripcord in the gears by the wheel; pull with all your might and the center wheel spun madly with a great ZZZZZZ sound. Someone told me that a case of SSP’s had fallen off a train that ran through our neighborhood. I was unable to run to the tracks to pillage- my mind simply melted with the possibilities of owning a case of SSP’s, the thought of the collective ZZZZZZZ sound and my central nervous system shut down. I stood there, helpless and drooling.

2. Vanilla French Chew candies were my favorite. The white powder would cover my face after I ate a French Chew. I looked like Al Pacino in Scarface after he plants his face in the mountain of cocaine. Vanilla French Chews are better than cocaine.

3. I tripped caring two bottles of Mountain Dew and I got glass in my hand. My Aunt told me she would give me a quarter if I could get the glass out. The glass was removed in short order because a quarter was the cost of a French Chew (see #2 and the effects of cocaine). As I walked (probably skipping with excitement) two toughs mugged me and they stole my quarter.

4. The “toughs” were two 12-year-old girls; I generally leave that part of the story out.

5. I was mugged again by a guy who become a big NBA star- he bought Doritos with the dollar he stole from me. Stealing money for Doritos is just plain wrong.

6. I would spend hours playing with plastic toy soldiers; I would rip the grass out of our backyard to make the scenes more realistic. By the time I was through our backyard resembled a mangy dog.

7. I had a puppet that at one point had been a tap dancer- but his strings became tangled and I lost his coat and his tap shoes so I made a super hero out of him. He is the first gay super hero. I, for some reason, named him Sid. “Sid The Gay Superhero”. (Photo to come)

8. Hippity Hop: Ok, it wasn’t a great toy, and I’m not certain I really liked it but when Connie Castleberry hopped and then popped my hippidy hop it became my most prized possession. I was done wrong by the purposeful vandalism of my bouncy toy. She had accidentally hopped on a piece of glass but I didn’t mention that to anyone- let them think her weight was a factor.

9. Mud ball fights: The idea of this now is insane but we would make mud balls and throw them at each other. It hurt like hell to get hit, but that’s the nature of the beast. They weren’t soft, sloppy mud balls but hard, balled up with a rock or two placed in the center for added ‘shock’ value.

10. There was a ravine behind our houses, which was a great place to get away from parents and run amok. My childhood was spent in this wooded hollow making clubhouses reading playboys and learning to smoke- you know all the things kids like to do. I found out as an adult that the ravine was actually an open sewer stream. That might explain a few of the nervous ticks.

I'd be curious to hear what Simon Chase has to say on this topic. Simon consider yourself tagged.


Anonymous said...

you are hilarious!

t2ed said...

I loved those zip cars. They made the best high-pitched ZEEEEEEEE noise that I used to use to torment my brother.

When I wasn't aiming the cars directly at him.

Our Hoppity Hops were big hits too. Because we used to pick them up and just use them to beat each other. I Hoppity Hop to the nose always got your attention.

~Michelle~ said...

My Hippity Hop had a similar demise, thanks to the neighbor girl who popped it whilst hopping, however I don't believe it was due to hopping on a piece of glass, if you get my drift...

LOL - Haven't thought about that in years!

Aralena said...


"Vanilla French Chews are better than cocaine."

I think you just found yourself a new blog title.

Or else a really awesome random quote, which I WILL be stealing, by the way.

I'm with anonymous- you are hilarious.