Don’t you hate when you’re talking to a friend and it seems they are just waiting long enough for you to shut up about your life and other really important matters so they can tell you something that probably has nothing to do with you at all. And when you finally stop talking long enough to take a much needed breath they jump in and say, "I had the weirdest dream last night."

And you know that no matter how much you roll your eyes and sigh with impatience they will continue to tell you their stupid dream which means nothing to anyone except for the person who actually had the dream. I hate that.

Anyway, I had the weirdest dream last night. I’ve had nothing but weird dreams all week. Weird, in the sense, that they are in high definition- very vivid and always wake me up at 3:00 AM. Disturbing enough that they have actually thrown off my sleep patterns, which some guy told me was called “bad sleep hygiene.” Don’t worry I smacked him in the head for all of us.

Anywhozits (a word I’m trying to bring into the language)- about my dream. A group of men wearing business suits are in my kitchen wrestling. I’m also there - and I might be wearing a suit but I never look down- all I can see is their suits, ties and maniacal grins.

Dream Interpretation: It’s my creative-self wresting with my practical-self . My practical-self knows I need to get a real job and my creative-self says that I should write.

I choose to interpret the dream this way because otherwise it’s a homo-erotic dream and with all the changes in my life lately that’s the last thing I need to grapple with.

For those of you who are saying, "Ya know misplaced, you could get a job and write." I can only respond with, "Shut up, you stinky poopoo face."