Tuesday, January 15, 2008

I once wrote about being addicted to following the site traffic. I’ve gotten much better about it I don’t much care about the numbers any more (over 11,500 hits to date), but I love discovering where you all are from. I recognize the same geographic faces. Beirut, Jerusalem, Oakland, Huntington Station, Juarez, Sydney, Vallejo, Dublin, Tacoma, Dubai and now Eugene. I assume that if you are reading this you have a similar take on life otherwise why would you bother? We are all cut from a similar cloth. I would like, at some point, to borrow money from each and every one of you, except maybe the guy from Jersey as I suspect I’d have to pay him back.

There is one location that fascinates me. I’ve googled it; I’ve studied in on a map; I’ve even bounced the idea of trying to visit there. That place is called Martin / Zilina, Slovakia. It’s actually two cities in northern Slovakia I don’t know why it fascinates me- the reader comes by upon occasion and I love the fact that my very small life is being read about in Martin/ Zilina Slovakia. Somewhere in Slovakia someone knows that my mother’s favorite recipe is Lime Jell-O or that my sister conned a neighbor kid out of his Mountain Dewback in the 70’s. I love that Martin /Zilina Slovakia reads your comments, as peculiar as they sometimes are.

Anyway, somewhere along the line we lost Martin /Zilina Slovakia. I was hoping it was the inane comments from you all that drove Martin / Zilina Slovakia away but I soon realize that it was probably me. Where ever I go there I am. It may have been something I said or didn’t say. So this is a note to Martin/ Zilina Slovakia.

Dear Martin/ Zilina Slovakia,

Please, give me another chance- I can make it right. Maybe I didn’t listen to your needs and your wants. Do you feel that I took you for granted? Did it just get old and routine? In my minds eye I can see you at your computer; it’s early in the morning, you’re holding a cup of coffee, your hair is tosseled from having just woken up, laughing and smiling at some new hot shot blogger with his fancy words, his cohesive thoughts and his spot on grammar. I'm certain he is a younger, funnier blogger with an exciting font and not just the stock blogger spot background. He probably even spell checks- the bastard!

He seduced you with his profile.
Favorite Book: Time Traveler’s Wife
Favorite Movies: Anything by Ingmar Bergman
Turn Ons: Long walks on the beach
Turn Offs: Mean people and pollution.

These things are lies Martin/ Zilina Slovakia- Lies I tell you! That isn’t real- he doesn’t presume to know you like I presume know you. He is a flash in the pan a blogger that will one day just disappear. No goodbyes, no thank you just a blog that slowly disappears and is replaced by a porn site. I’m not saying that your picture will turn up on that site Martin/ Zilina Slovakia I’m just saying that I don’t trust him, not one bit. If I tell you that noone will see those pictures but me and you then you can trust that- well, you can’t take it to the bank but you know what I mean. Just reconsider, that’s all I ask. We’ve come to far to throw it all away.

Much Love,
Misplaced in the Midwest


Parisian Cowboy said...

On my blog, there are a lot of Google search from Saudi Arabia..... they googled things like "sex in paris" or "where to have sex in paris". See, ces petits garçons ne sont pas très sages.

Karyn said...

Er... okay, how do you come to have such specific information on your blogreadership? I have a count and a map with red dots.

That's pretty much it.

I really have to learn to use this whole internet - blog thing dealio. (Those are technical terms by the way. No, really.)

Kelly said...

Perhaps we should plan a trip?

Anonymous said...

Some of us know EXACTLY who your mystery person in Slovakia is...so make us an offer we can't refuse and all shall be revealed!

Misplaced said...

Intriguing- Perhaps a post about the true nature of New Zealand will flush you out.

Anonymous said...

I'm the (a?) reader from Jersey! I'm female and mostly harmless, though. Love that you were a tiny bit afraid of not paying me back, though :)

Misplaced said...

Finally people who read are sending comments- it gets so lonely here. Jersey- yes it's you- can I borrow a fiver$

David M. said...

Jersey? Bien sur. We're very careful of our reputation abroad. We're now planning to replace our entire tax structure with hundred dollar turnpike tolls (this is no joke) so we can dump our obligations on unsuspecting travelers. The next time you fly into Newark, give a wave.