I have a Number 8 to The Useless Things I've Learned list. It came from my younger, wiser brother, Brendan.

A few useless things I've learned

1.Woman who are 100% heterosexual will look at Angela Jolie and say, "I'd do her" (but they are usually lieing)

2.In the gym locker room: The fatter the ass the more likely that fat, bare ass will sit on the bench without a towel.

3. to be added

4. If you want your restaurant meal to arrive, light a cigarette, if you want your boss to walk into your cubical, download porn.

5. Don't admit that global warming seems like a nice idea. Just keep it to yourself, you'll be happier.

6. No self respecting Wiccan would have a "Witches Do It In Circles" bumper sticker on their car (or broom).

7.This is really neither here nor there, but Barney Fife is the funniest character on TV. He once referred to Gomer as being "...as sharp as a bag full of wet mice" which still makes me laugh.

8. If you are the father and are watching the children while your wife goes out, never refer to it as "babysitting" call it "parenting". My younger brother gave me this advice and I suspect he learned the hard way.