Tuesday, April 24, 2007

You know what's missing from my little writings?
Good household hints.
Do you want to know why there are few household hint?
Because I don't have any household hints

But I remember once reading that the twisty ties on loaves of bread are color coded for a particular reason so I have decided to research this hot topic and call this the first of a long series entitled Household Hints. I've put a little handwritten "PRESS" card in my fedora and I've hit the streets* to get some answers to this perplexing mystery. I mean to write** the best damn household hints article I can and with my favorite fedora hat*** I can't miss.

*When I say "hit the streets" I mean google.
**When I say write I mean cut and paste whatever I find
*** When I say Fedorea I mean I'm going to put on my tattered, old lady robe and dirty slippers.

10 minutes later

Ok, I have researched the topic and I am ready to discuss. Before I explain the Household Hint of the week I should let you know that this will be the last household tip of the week because it was an incredibly stupid idea. It was poorly thought out and the execution was laughable.

How do you know that you are getting the freshest bread in the store? As you may or may not have noticed the twisty tie are different colors on the loaves of bread- the reason for this is to let the delivery person know which day the bread was made and delivered. One company (perhaps its Bimbo Bread) uses the following code.

Monday - Blue
Tuesday - Green
Thursday - Red
Friday - White
Saturday - Yellow

When the delivery guy is making his deliveries he will remove all the old bread using the color code- for example on Saturday he will deliver bread with a yellow tag and, presumably remove the bread with the red tag (baked and delivered two days before) I use the masculine because all drivers for bakery goods must, by law, be male- there is something about the chemistry of women which can cause bread to become unlevened- this is absolutely true (ok, it really isn't). The problem with this system is that there is no universal color code system- every company uses their own color code so while it may aid the delivery person it does us, the loyal consumer, absolutely no good whatsoever. That, my friends, is why I'm moving to France because the bread is baked fresh daily. I am also moving to France because I heard somewhere that there is a place in France where the ladies wear no pants. And that my friends would make a much more interesting post than this.

Thank You Very Much For Your Time.


Self Taught Artist said...

this is a weird funny post.
what is up with that bread? do you actually EAT that stuff? I've never even seen that.

I kind of found the whole color tie thing fascinating. you should do more of these...really!

Simon Chase said...

I too am a huge fan of daily baked french, italian and greek bread, but you just cant beat something called Bimbo. That's priceless!

You may want to reconsider your recent retirement from household tipping. Maybe you can become like Geraldo, debunking all little known household perplexities, like say the fill line in a detergent cap, or the longevity of a dish sponge. The world must know!

Misplaced said...

I had never heard of Bimbo Bread until I saw that delivery truck a few days ago- today I googled "color twistie ties" for this post and "The Bimbo" appeared again.

This is obviously a sign from god. I need to get me some Bimbo Bread...Bad!

Self Taught Artist said...

I had to look it up 'bimbo grande'

Aralena said...

i was just about to ask if that color code is universally applied, since selecting non-boulangerie bread in France can be a tricky affair, too. i feel bad about squeezing 20 different bags of brioche before landing the golden loaf; maybe a topic for a helpful household hints post?n

Shelby said...

Ok, I laughed OUT LOUD on this. I am sitting in my house by myself and I laughed out loud. I don't do that unless it's funny.

"because I don't have any"

love it.