Friday, April 12, 2013

I’m waking up Broadway to catch the subway at Union Square. Across the street I hear a ruckus. A young girl, early twenties, is crying loudly. A guy with a ponytail has her against a food truck and seems to be pushing her against it. There is a guy near me, also watching.

“Do we need to get involved in this?” I ask him.

“No.” He replies and points to a woman that has approached the couple. “I think she’s got it.”

The pony-tailed guy waves the woman away, “She’s my wife.” He yells at her.

I walk across the street.

“Oh great another one.” Pony-tail guy says, waving me away.

I go up to the girl. “Everything okay?”

Pony-tail steps between us. “She’s my wife.”

“I don’t give a fuck, I’m asking her if everything is ok or if I need to call the police.”
Note: This will be the first of many “fucks” I say in a very short time.

“I am the police.” He says, stepping up to me and putting his face in front of mine.

I push my face even closer to his. Our noses are almost touching.
“Fuck you, motherfucker.” I explain.

I should probably mention at this point that I have never been in a fight. This may have been some information I should have remembered before this whole thing went down.

He pushes me. I push him harder.

The girl looks at the cigarette in my hand and says. “Can I have a cigarette?

I realize that I’m involved in the drama of an idiot couple. You see them on the police shows all the time, lots of drama and then lots of kissing afterwards.

“No.” I shout at her. She starts crying again and runs down the street.

Oh God, how have I gotten myself in this situation?

Ponytail and I are still nose-to-nose, staring each other down. I’m thinking that when I get home, I ought to watch some youtube videos on how to head butt someone. It seems like valuable information I could use if I’m ever in a situation such as this. I suspect it involves my forehead and his nose but I’m not sure and, let’s face it, all I have to recommend me is my unmarred beauty.

I might have called him a bitch-ass ho’ but, at this point, the adrenaline is pumping so I’m not 100% sure. There is, apparently, a white trash hoodlum buried deep inside me that emerges in times of distress.

He pushes me again, turns and runs. I, for some inexplicable reason, run after him. At this point there is no rational brain in me, only lizard brain is showing activity. After a few steps I stop.

“What the hell am I doing?” I ask myself.
I turn around and walk back toward the train. The woman that first tried to get involved walks with me.

“I sometimes forget that I don’t know how to fight.” I tell her.
She laughs, “Oh well, you have to get involved.” She said.

I look across the street and see the guy that I had been standing next to. He looks away when I catch his eye. I ought to smack that punk ass bitch upside the head.


~Michelle~ said...

Oh my gosh, seriously? That's sounds like a scene from a show! How exciting and scary.

Anonymous said...

this is great reminds me of when i had to stare somone down at drake rd a couple of times then at friday nite young people too though. But sometimes i dont even bother with people becase they dont even know the traditions tho.

Chris H.

Anonymous said...

Thats crazy and staring someone down is crazy also. I would have started a myspace page about the pony tail guy and pretended I was him. And I’d say all sorts of things in his voice and I would have written exactly like he would say it because that’s how you know it was him. Heres a example but its just off the top of my head “Oh man, my pony tail looks really good today” and no one would know it was me they would think its him cause thats probably how he talks. That’s why it would be funny. I’m also a really good observer of people- I mean REALLY good. I’m like a social commentator but anonymous because people can be crazy when they hear the truth about them. Arggg! My mom is calling me. I can’t wait to move out of her basement.

Misplaced said...

No offense to the last two anonymous commenters, but I think it's time to start moderating comments. Not that your anonymous insights aren't appreciated but... they just don't make much sense (and this from a guy who makes absolutely no sense)