I like to take a non-controversial topic, pretend it is very controversial and fight, to the death, in defending my view, which, I know is everyone else’s view. This makes me look strong without having to use any of that icky confrontation. I realize that just a few weeks ago I mentioned that I was pro-global warming but other than that I keep it safe.

The non-confrontational issue that I am pretending is controversial today is... cell phones. Specifically people who use cell phones anywhere near me. There is a volume and a tenor to the voice when you are talking on a cell phone and it drives me crazy. It is just a little too loud which makes it sound pompous, and a ‘businessy’ tone is used to seal the deal on the self-important bullshit. Cell phones should not be used in bookstores, libraries, movie theaters (you actually have to make a rule like this), restaurants, bathrooms- especially while you are sitting one the TOILET! (last week, at work- I kid you not)

I bring this up for two reasons.
Reason #1: I don’t like to go to the gym but I do because I eat massive amounts of ice cream and cookies. The only thing that I remotely like about the gym is that I can sometimes, sometimes mind you, get into a Zen-like zone. An hour will go by on the tread mill, I’ll be trenched in sweat (the shiny, sexy kind -but of course) and it will have felt like 5 minutes. So today, during my lunch break, I begin to tread upon the mill. There is a guy next to me I give him a slight ‘man nod’ and a grunt of acknowledgement as if to say "I wont piss on your leg, if you don’t piss on mine" and I begin to run. I’m almost in the zone when… his cell phone rings.

RING...RING

“Hello… I’m in at the gym….ok” (hangs up)
There is a cell phone is sitting where his water bottle should be!
5 minutes later it rings again
“Hello…I’m at the gym…ok” (hangs up)

Are people so self important that they think they must be accessible at all times? Maybe a better way to put that is: Do people have such a lack of respect for their own time (not to mention mine) that they feel they can be bothered whenever anyone else feels like bouncing some dumb ass idea off their bucket heads?

The second reason I bring this up is I have to write an essay on cell phones for my French class tonight. Does anyone know how to say “bucket head” in French?

*For my next non-confrontational idea that I like to pretend is controversial segment I will be taking a pretty strong stand against slavery